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Rank: Administration
Groups: Administration
, Member
Joined: 12/18/2006
Posts: 424
Points: 1,113
Location: Auckland
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I've been stressing out about an email I got yesterday from a girl who wrote:
I need to talk to someone
I replied, 'what about?'
She said, I need help.
I sent her a link to the HELP page on my website.
She wrote back; 'I think I'm going to Kill myself'.
Oh crap. I HATE getting emails like this because I cannot ignore them. Anyone else at work would probably just hit DELETE, but I couldn't live with myself if I heard something happened when I could have done something. But then again, it is so emotionally draining counselling someone through something like this and I have been through it so many times and it has caused me too much stress.
Anyway, I couldn't stop thinking about her so I looked her up in my database and saw she was only 12 yrs old!! I rang Youthline and they suggested I put her on to them because they are qualified to deal with things like that. The girl I spoke to was so nice. So I suggested to the girl who had been emailing me to call them. She said to me; "It's too late".
At this point, I'm starting to panic, so I called her home phone number. Her mum answered and seemed very suspicious of me calling. (They can't get The Edge where they live). The girl got on the phone and I was immediately relieved. I asked her what was going on and she couldn't talk, but she did tell me she had tried to kill herself before and it was because things were not good at home and she wasn't coping. I told her to check her emails for the number to Youthline and to keep me updated.
Today I got an email from her telling me she had swallowed 25 panadol this morning and someone was telling her mum. That was the last I heard from her.
WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO???
Just forget about it? Or do I interfere? I don't think I should really, but I am worried now. 12 yrs old is way too young to be thinking about ending your life. The poor kid.
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Rank: Newbie
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Joined: 10/19/2008
Posts: 1
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Location: Christchurch
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ok i could be completely wrong but i can speak from experience so hear me out .
i dont think any 12 year old girl thinking about ending her life would tell anyone ... even a complete stranger .
so i dont think shes truely going to end her life.
it may just be for attention and i have dealt with people that hav done just that .
but of course i could be completely wrong but just think about the way shes acting ... i mean would you really tell som1 u swallowed 26 panadol if you were going to end your life?
no u would want as little people knwoing about it as possible,
because when you are in that state you feel so alone.
then again it may not be the case but thats just my veiw.
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Rank: Newbie
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Joined: 8/11/2008
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Location: Hawkes Bay
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Hey Jay-jay. I think it could be a bit of attention seeking, but with the subject of sui  cide you can never be too safe. She is only 12 years old. She is far too young to even be tossing around such thought, serious or not. Her mother has to be notified and unfortunately it sounds like you are the one in the position to do it. Whether or not she is serious about actually doing it, or has attempted to do it, or just putting the idea out there for attention, she is too young to be thinking this is ok. You have her phone number, you have got to tell her mum. She is not your responsibility. As a 12 year she is a minor and therefore the responsibility of her parents. Good luck. Slink.javascript:insertsmiley(' %20','/Forum/images/emoticons/confused.gif')
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Rank: Newbie
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Joined: 1/12/2009
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Location: Auckland - North Shore
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Hi Jay Jay,
This is such a tough situation!
The only thing I know is to comfort and encourage her. I was reading another true story similar to this in the chicken soup, and it says
'She told me that she felt lost, confused, worthlesss, and that she had a bottle of pills in her hand. She said she was fully prepared to take them all, to end her life...over the next three hours, Lindsay told me her troubles...and for the next three hours, I listened...I kept telling her over and over how original, beautiful and important her dreams and personality were to our lives. By this time, we were both crying: she was frustrated, I was pleading for her life. My mind then reached out at what I assumed was my final chance at helping Lindsay' I told her three simple things. I first told her everyone has problems. It's a part of life. That overcoming these problems and moving onto greater heights is what life is all about. The second thing I told her was that if life was as bad as she said, then things couldn't possibly get worse. There wasn't room for any more failure- things had to improve. The final simple thing I told her was that I, or someone else close to her, would always be there, no matter what trials may come into her life. I told her that the fact we were having this conversation, that she wanted me to know what was going on, proved my theory that she really wanted to live. If she wanted to end her life, she would have just done it. But since she took the time to call, her mind was saying, "Help! I want to keep my life!" After I had finished that last statement, I heard the best sound in the world- Lindsay flushing the pills down the toilet..."
I really hope this helps.
Luv from K
p.s. I'm close to this girls age, and one of my classmates was also in a situation like this. Although it was also for attention, attention was something she really needed!
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Rank: Newbie
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Joined: 11/24/2008
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Location: Rotorua
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Hi Jay Jay, yep you sure have a problem. Maybe a good compromise would be to try and contact her school. They are really good at dealing with younger people and they hopefully will know her quite well. Not sure its a good idea to talk with her parents as there is always a small chance that she is serious and telling "Mum" might just make matters worse. If you cant find out where she goes to school maybe the local police youth aid section can help, good luck.
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Rank: Newbie
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Joined: 7/28/2008
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Location: Auckland
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Hi Jay Jay,
Just thought I'd share this, not sure if it will be useful or not.
I think that she needs help, she may not actually be wanting to commit suicide at this stage, but it is definaly a cry for help.
When I was 13 I had a friend at school who was very unhappy with herself and her life, she also took an overdose of panadol - not 25, but too many, anyway she was fine and no one really belived that she wanted to actually commit suicide, she never got any help. Things for her went back to "normal" for a couple of years, then in 6th form (year 12/13 i think), obviously things took a turn for the worst for her, but she didn't tell any of us.
She did commit suicide - and from that day whenever I here about anything like this it reminds me of her and how guilty my friends and I felt for not doing something sooner or noticing what she was going through.
Sorry - thats probably not much help as to what you should do, however I definalty think that she needs some sort of help or someone to talk to.
I'm not sure if her mum would be the best person to tell what is going on, if she could talk to her mum she probably would have already. maybe you could pass her number to one of the councillors at youthline??
Good luck.
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Rank: Newbie
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Joined: 1/5/2007
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Location: Canterbury
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Whether or not she's serious about it or not, isn't the issue. If she's put it out there as something she's thinking about, then she needs help, even to talk about her thoughts and feelings with a trained therapist. because her safety is at risk, I think you need to call her mum. the girl isn't your responsibility, and her parents may not realise she is feeling this way. her mother is already going to be suspicious from the first call anyway.
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Rank: Newbie
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Joined: 12/24/2006
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Location: Canterbury
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Hi jay jay
I suffered from post natal depression, I was a young mum, wasn’t getting a lot of sleep. I didn’t tell anyone what was happening. It wasn’t until I was away with other people they saw me and new there was something wrong talked to my family and I finally got the help I needed. Looking back I can not believe that I didn’t go get help with the thoughts going through my head.. Having these thoughts mad me think I was a bad parent.
Being through that most people with mental illness usually keep it quite. It does seem a little attention seeking but you can never be to careful. I would ring and talk to her mother and explain to her your position. That you didn’t want anything to happen to her but you don’t want to be interfering as well.
Good luck
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Rank: Newbie
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Joined: 9/19/2008
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Location: Palmerston North
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Hi chook, That is a sad situation from a nurses perspective I say you contact the police - who would go to her home and get a psych team to come and assess any immediate danger. If someone says they are going to kill themselves I think it needs to be dealt with. If it is just attention seeking - too bad - a visit from the cops ad psych assessment could well help to sort her out. Stressful for you chook, but less stress if you hand it over to correct people trained to deal with these situations. Then you also know you have given her the best chance.  )
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Rank: Advanced Member
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Joined: 11/23/2007
Posts: 178
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Location: Rotorua
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I think it's just her being an attention seeker. 12? And taking 25 Panadol won't do anyhing to you. You have to take lots of it over a long period of time for it to have the effect I think she was thinking of. Sorry if this isn't the right information you are looking for.
I'M
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Rank: Member
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Joined: 11/4/2007
Posts: 28
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Location: Hawkes Bay
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25 Panadols WILL do something, it will upset the lining in your stomach, making it thinner (the lining, not the stomach), thin your blood and make you extremely sick. But to be honest I think this girl is an ATTENTION SEEKER! All the best though - I think you should explain all this to her mum, it shouldnt be up to you to deal with it! Thats not fair at all. XXX
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, a bottle of wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!”
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Rank: Super Advanced Member
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Joined: 6/7/2007
Posts: 779
Points: 2,312
Location: South Island
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yep... i know a girl who did that, spent the nyt in hospital getting her stomach pumped....
Jayjay this is NOT your problem, all you can do is tell her mum, she is NOT your responsibilty... In my job we get a lot of people coming in trying to make their problems ours... if you let it get to you, you end up a stressed wreck.. you are a very caring person but you can only do so much for someone really... If shes just tricking then she will get the attention she wants, if shes serious and you have told er mum etc you have done all you can do. If someone is so determiuned that they are going to h kill themselfs they are going to do it and no one will stop them, hope this helps!
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Rank: Newbie
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Joined: 4/18/2008
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Location: Otago
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Whether she's intending to kill herself or not, she may do it accidentally. I have experience of this, trust me. Any panadol over the recommended dosage is dangerous. A friend took 4 more in the day cos of pain, and ED kept her in for monitoring. People think you go to sleep and don't wake up - in reality you die slowly and painfully. Anyway, it's good that she feels she can tell someone, even though it's not good being on the receiving end at times. You've got her details, phone her local hospital and pass everything on to the emergency psych team. Then the experts know, and whatever happens, you've done all you could. Or maybe Youthline. Whatever you do, be OK with it.
Good luck.
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Rank: Newbie
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Joined: 8/6/2008
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Location: Auckland
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ask dom what to do im sure he will sus something out
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Rank: Newbie
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Joined: 3/21/2007
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Location: Taranaki
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Hey there Jay Jay.
Well this is a hard one. All you can do it what you have by calling lifeline and giving her the details. Any call out for help is a plus, it means that they really dont want to do it. Many would see it as a hoax and that she wouldnt really be achieveing or going threw with it. But the problem is it could be many issues all gone into one. This might sound funny but maybe CYFS could be a place to look into, just mentioning it to them (could be any form of just abuse or normal childlike fights with parents that became huge issues) they maybe able to give some hlpe in the mental health area. Or even another idea could be the mental health team as maybe depression or other mental health could be the problem. Man l wouldnt want to be in your shoes. Chin Up you can only do what you have so far
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Rank: Newbie
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Joined: 12/15/2008
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Location: Hamilton
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Hey Jay-Jay. I have recently gone through a rough patch with a good friend of mine passing away before xmas a couple of years ago, who unfortunatley took his own life. So many people say you can always help someone who is suicidal, but no matter how hard you try there will always be a tickle in the back of your mind saying that you havn't done enough. so my advice is you really need to talk to the girls parents, explain to them what is happening and see if they can talk to youth aid in their local community. You cant help this girl if her parents arn't there to support her themselves! Hope all these posts will help you with this touchy subject!!!! Take care Kirsten 
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Rank: Newbie
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Joined: 2/17/2009
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Location: Auckland
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Hi JJ,
Wow what a stressful situation for you to be put in.
Just to clarify, that many paracetamol tablets can be very dangerous for someone to take - it is one of the most dangerous drugs available as it can cause acute liver failure which can be fatal.
I recommend the other nurse's suggestion made above which is to contact the police and explain the situation in full - the sooner the better - and they will visit the house and possibly involve mental health services.
Best of luck JJ, although this is a terrible terrible situation - I guess we should all be pleased in some way that the girl thought to contact you, rather than no one at all.
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Rank: Member
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Joined: 10/1/2007
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Location: Auckland
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Hey JayJay! I just got your email about your blog and read it - knowing this is an issue close to my heart big time. Im a bit disgusted at reading some of the replies of people on here saying that its attention seeking and stuff....I havent read them all but the first few were enough for me... It really stink that they took Yellow Ribbon day away here - I wish they would bring it back. Sucide is big - and its real and its out there and people fail to see it. People dont understand the full extent of it. People think that oh a bit of couselling and she'll be righr will solve it all and it DOESNT! Heck there are counsellors out there who TURN people away for these things! I can tell you this now for the person who posted saying no one would tell someone how many pills they take - your WRONG. I have a friend who is close to me who calls me her other mum, and she tells me just how many pills she has taken... Ive lost two people to sucide, one was a friend I knew in primary school who passed away 4 yrs ago leaving behind a son who was a year old at the time...and then I lost a friend back home in the UK who took her own life 12 hours after I spoke to her, leaving behind twin girls shy of a year old....both my friends were 19/20. And believe me, you wont know this until you go through it yourself, losing someone to that it opens up a range of emotions you dont face with someone who says dies of cancer, or a car crash etc etc.....instead you sit there and you keep asking why...how...and try to find someone to blame...with my last friend who died I have watched her best friend battle on....ive supported her through about 5 friends who took their lives with in months of each other...and I know if it wasnt for me....she probably wouldnt be here.... How ever, having lost these friends - It in return helped me. It has taught me I could never attempt to take my life again...(and yes I will say that public I have tried...and Ive attempted and wanted too since I was as young as 10...so DONT say that its attention seeking...that it doesnt happen in people that young because it does...) - I can hit at any age even adults... I would assume this girl has bebo if she does email her this link - Im a support person for this group and though we are focused on Self Injury they all tie in together and there is ALOT of young ones on there. http://www.bebo.com/selfinjuryawareness Ive found that alot of the issues that teens and pre teens deal with that lead to this is A. Home Life, B. School, C. Relationships, D. The internet and media... - but in saying that this girl has obviously been listening to you and seeing all you do and felt connected enough to you to tell you...in hope she can get something from you...its just a matter of trust... Your a wonderful person JayJay...dont forget that...lots of people look up too you.. B.
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Rank: Newbie
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Joined: 12/14/2007
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Location: Taranaki
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Hi Jay Jay,
My 1st b.f committed suicide at just 17, I was 15. He had talked to me about problems with peer pressure stuff and was worried to tell his parents. He loved them and was worried they would be upset and he didn't want them to worry and he had a great life and family, his words not mine. He cried out for comfort and to talk to someone, unfortunately I felt I was too young to give him it and broke it off. It wasn't long and he killed himself. At 12 years of age, this girls world may be falling apart to her, in her eyes. Teens see the world from a different angle as us. It may be mental illness that needs to be helped, ie bypolar etc... Or there may be something she can't deal with alone. Sadly my b.f's dad hung himself some years later, never dealt with what happened to his son. It shouldn't have been, there was no real reason to it. But in his world there was.
The danger also can be at 12, she may accidentally mix the wrong pills and accidently really off herself (not really intending too). Tell the mum, give her the option to help her daughter.
If it is for attention, let her get it. I don't know how people can say if she meant to do it she would have already. Nobody really intends to kill them selves. Its sad that people think that, most that try or do it, just want the pain to stop, whether it be physical, emotional or psychological. The attention needed may be from a mother, teacher, friend, psychiatrist or doctor. But she has asked a stranger because somethings wrong in her world. You don't have to be involved, but she chose you to tell, make a decision. I'd start with the mum.
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Rank: Newbie
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But also to quickly add. That much panadol is soooo dangerous. That shows you she needs help if she did take that much.
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