NEED ADVICE?
Do you need some really good, useful advice that tells you straight, with a little bit of heart thrown in?
Rachel Goodchild can solve your dating, love and sex problems - because she's either faced the same problem and dealt with it, or she knows someone who does. There is pretty much nothing she's never heard before and nothing phases her.
Rachel spent six months dating for her job while researching
Eighty Eight Dates, a book of funny internet dating stories with some how-to guidelines thrown in for good measure.
She's a writer, speaker and a regular on Sunrise on a segment called
Rachel Goodchild's Good Advice .
2010 hasnt been a good year for me, in Feburary my aunty took her own life
at my grandparents, she was mentaly ill. It was very hard to hear about
everything she did in the last days of her life and to see the evidence too.
Due to this happening we had to move my grandparents into a retirement home.
I thought yup I'm ok with this, its a new start for them and I was trying to
be strong for my mum as it was her only sibling, mum had tryed to save her
aswell, so I pushed my feelings aside. Now only a week ago my grandad died,
mums dad, although I didnt really know him I think this has brought
everything from my aunty back in full force.
I feel lost and alone and I dont know what to do, I've contacted a counclier
but I cant get into see her for another month because they are fully booked.
Along with not having a job this has brought a lot a stress and tension to
my relationship and it sucks. I cant talk to my friends about it all because
they dont get it, and talking to mum about it wouldnt be good either.
I just wanna crawl into a dark hole and stay there!
Having depression is so very common. Having situational depression (as opposed to clinical) is something nearly all of us will face at some point. The important thing to do is to look after it now, or you can slip into a longer and deeper depression.
So first- use the tools you've got before you. Use lifeline to talk to if you need it. Buy an exercise book and write down your thoughts everyday- even if it makes you cry while you do it. You need to off load some of that extra emotion.
Start going for walks everyday- and try to go alone. Let your mind wander as you walk, as this can help with the healing.
Make sure you're eating well, you are having regular sleep times and avoid alcohol and drugs. When your mind is in a vulnerable state these things can impact it dramatically.
It's normal to feel out of control sometimes. It's normal to have days where you don't want to get up. However I strongly believe we have the tools within us to get through whatever life throws at us.
As for your relationship- that's part of being in a relationship with someone else. Sometimes we are a pain in the butt to our partner. Focus on having some fun times with him too, and encourage him to have some nights out without you so he gets a chance to recharge his comforting powers :)
It's hard when life knocks you around. We can't change what life does around us- all we can do is make our minds strong enough to cope.
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One of my best friends has started bring intimate with an ex boyfriend of
mine who I have recently just got over. What do I do? Is it worth risking
the friendship by arguing with her over it? Also a friend has told me he has
feelings for me and I feel the same way. Even thou he has been in a
relationship for 3 years. What do I do?!
Ok there are two things going on here.
1.
No- if you and he are over, then let it go. Perhap's it's a bit
insensitive, but if he's an ex, focus on the friendship. However you
are completely within your rights to say you don't feel comfortable
hanging out with them, and you don't need to go out of your way to be
super friendly of them as a couple.
2. If he's in a relationship and
he's got feelings for you? Ask him to end the relationship first before
you find out. You don't want to be the reason to break up the
relationship and a relationship that begins as an affair is never going
to give you a fair indication- it feels a lot more fun when it's
cheating. If he's not prepared to do that, then what he's asking for is
some extra on top of what he's got. What does that really say about how
he feels about you?
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I just moved to auckland, but all my friends live in my old city. i feel
like there forgetting me because i cant afford to go down there all the
time. and the guy i like lives there aswell, but i dont think he'll want to
go out with me because if the long distance thing.
The
thing it's not them that is changing- it's you. You just can't see it.
They're all the same, but you are in two places, Auckland and your new
home town.
I suggest you decide to commit yourself to putting some
roots down in Auckland for a bit. Focus on making new friends and then
when you spend time with your old friends, you will be coming from a
place of strength.
As for the guy- Long distance takes a lot of
energy. If he's not into it, it's best to turn your focus on Auckland
and see how that goes first. I hear there are quite a few guys living
there ;)
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Hi Rachel, I'm almost 30 and I'm struggling what to do with my life career
wise. I've never known what it is I've wanted to do and i think about it so
much it drives me insane!! Any ideas please would be greatly appreciated.
I'm
one of those annoying people who have trouble deciding exactly what
they can do- only because I want to do so much! I have too many ideas
to fit into my lifetime.
However I have worked with others who feel the same way as you, and I'll give you the same advice I've given them.
Pehaps
it's not your career you need to focus on. Not everyone is going to
have a job you love. Even in the job I love there are tasks I don't
enjoy.
The thing is I've got a personality where my job and my life are pretty closely connected. I'm always on in other words.
Maybe
for you that's not your thing. So instead of focussing on career, focus
on what you really want to do full stop. Do you want to travel? Have
children? Do crazy high extreme things? Make a list of things you
really want to do, then go do them. Work may be a way of funding it,
and along the way you may discover a long term love of something you
could do as a job or a career.
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If you have a problem or dilemma about love, relationships, dating or life, then submit your question below and Rachel will endeavor to answer it for you! Every week Rachel will offer her advice to three Radiochick friends. (No names will be published)
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